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What is the best way to make merit for someone who has died? Ajahn Dtun says the deceased receive the fullest merit when their own money is used to buy what is offered. If they died long ago and nothing of theirs remains, one can set aside the money for the dāna with the intention that it is now theirs, no longer one's own, and then use it to make offerings on their behalf.
He tells of a family in Thailand dividing their parents' inheritance, where one child was a monk. The others at first wondered why a monk should get a share, but he received one, kept it aside as his parents' wealth and used it for offerings such as robe cloth and Buddha images, so that his parents received full merit. Most people, he observes, simply use an inheritance for themselves. Yet no one should wait for children or relatives to make merit for them after death; each person should make merit while still alive.
He also recounts a family who grieved each year on a death anniversary, unaware that the deceased had a happy rebirth; the deceased, contacted by someone able to communicate with them, asked why everyone was sad. The body is made of earth, water, air and fire; the mind only resides in it. Because people identify with their own and others' bodies, death brings grief, whereas one free of that attachment does not suffer. When the body breaks up the mind does not die but moves on according to its kamma.