About This Answer
A layperson asks Venerable Ajahn Dtun about a conflict between the wish to ordain and the responsibility of caring for an ageing mother. As an only child of a single mother, the questioner is concerned that ordination would leave no one to look after her, while the mother hopes instead that the child will marry and remain in family life.
Ajahn Dtun does not treat renunciation as an excuse to abandon an immediate responsibility. His advice is to fulfil one’s duty as a child as well as possible while continuing to practise Dhamma. If a parent genuinely depends on us and there is nobody else able to provide care, then caring for that parent comes first. Supporting an ageing mother is itself a meaningful expression of gratitude and wholesome conduct.
At the same time, the aspiration to ordain does not have to be discarded. The conditions may change. If another trustworthy person is able to care for the mother, and the mother is ready to allow the ordination, then the opportunity may become suitable. Ajahn Dtun therefore presents the matter as one of causes, conditions, and responsibility rather than a rigid rule that everyone should immediately leave home for monastic life.
The teaching also makes an important distinction between the form of practice and the heart of practice. A person can cultivate generosity, moral virtue, meditation, patience, and wisdom while still carrying family duties. Renunciation is valuable, but it should be undertaken responsibly. The wish for spiritual development should make us more conscientious, not less concerned about the people to whom we owe a real debt of care.
The practical value of this teaching is that family life itself becomes a field for Dhamma. Gratitude, patience, compassion, responsibility and letting go are tested most strongly with people we cannot simply walk away from. Ajahn Dtun repeatedly redirects attention to the part we can actually train: our intention, speech, conduct and state of mind. This makes the teaching relevant to Buddhist family life, kamma, relationships, mindfulness and the everyday practice of protecting the heart.
The value of the answer is its simplicity: do not turn the teaching into another object of speculation. Apply it, observe the result in the heart, and continue strengthening whatever qualities are still weak. Over time, repeated practice makes the difference between a principle we merely agree with and a Dhamma that actually changes how we respond to experience.